Hear This

by the Guv'ner from Psycho Secretary

Has anyone seen this disturbing little piece of advertising? It's for a nasty little surveillance device called the "Listen-In" and the commercial irks the living shit out of me every time I see it. Which is every ten minutes lately.



A couple of things:

Isn't it illegal, or at least deeply immoral, to eavesdrop on private conversations using a spy device? Sure, they say you can hear the TV better when it's on quietly, but what they really mean is, "Hey, you can totally hear what that bitch across the street there is saying about you behind your back, then blackmail her later!"

Plus what about that woman at the start? Surely there's some award for someone that irritating? I mean she needs a beating bad. The dude is obviously terrified of her as he makes rubber-faced, apologetic expressions whenever she barks at him. As soon as that guy wants to do anything remotely fun, she's on at him to turn it down so she can hear her obviously riveting phone conversation.

Because that chick is always on the phone. Not once do you hear the husband say, "Jeez woman, fuck off into another room to talk about your gall bladder!" Not once does he say, "Maybe YOU should keep it down, Billy Mays!" Not one time does he punch her in the face and yell, "DIE IN A FIRE, BITCH!" No, he just looks comically terrified and a little disappointed.

And if you're the sort of person who wears one of those devices to take out the garbage on the off chance you can catch the neighbors talking about you, you need serious help, lady. I can't help thinking the ad would be so much more fun if the two chicks were saying, "Have you met the new neighbors, he seems nice and in fact, I shagged him in my kitchen yesterday when he came over to borrow some sugar! Did you see his wife - she's a HORSE!"

Also here's a thought. If you want to hear music while other people are asleep they have this new thing now called "headphones" where you put them over your ears and hear the music REALLY FUCKING LOUDLY and no one else can hear AT ALL. I know, right? It's like magic! All the youngsters are using them nowadays!

My favorite is the part where the smug guy is at the gym listening to two bimbos discussing how hot he is. Here's a thought for YOU, sonny. Maybe if you're spying on people's conversations about you, it would be prudent to NOT HOLD THE DEVICE IN THE AIR IN FRONT OF YOU for the world to see. At the best they're going to know what you're doing and kick you in the nuts (and Lord knows I want to kick you in the nuts) and at the worst they're going to think it's a WALKMAN and think you're hopelessly living in 1984.

And it's a "great way to keep an ear on the children when they're out of range"? I can just imagine the pandemonium when mom hears little Jenny say one of the following:

"Pot is for pussies, got any crack?"
"I don't see any puppies in your van, mister!"
"Five for a hand job, fifteen for a blow job, Principal."

It will end in tears, I'm telling ya.