Last month, BeckEye warned us to never buy a product with "Sham" right in the name, and asked the question on everyone's minds: "what company wants some coke-addicted, fast-talking douchebag as its spokesperson?"
I'll tell you who: ShamWow's main rival, Zorbeez!
But the clever folks at Zorbeez didn't hire just any slick-talkin', headset-wearin', carpet-stainin' creep. They hired the biggest, loudest, most annoying voice in the informercial universe: the Legendary Billy Mays.
After a head-to-head examination of these two in action, I've determined that they're likely hawking the exact same product, albiet one is made in Germany, and you know Germans make good stuff. But when two powerhouse pitchmen are selling the same item with an almost identical script, it all comes down to the craftsmanship of their delivery:
| VINCE (ShamWow) | BILLY (Zorbeez) | |
|---|---|---|
| Appearance | Moe Syzlak | 70s porn snatch with teeth |
| Delivery | Smarmy; aloof; he can't do this all day. | Loud; really loud |
| Personal touch | towelling off like a real Olympic swimmer | sponge smelling |
| Target Demographic | Younger (late nite stoners, flea market enthusiasts) | Older (OCD housewives, chronic cola spillers) |
| Gimmick factor | "Made in Germany!" | "amazing X27 fiber technology!" |
| Pricing | 8 for $19.99 - 10 yr warranty | 10 for $14.99 - free replacments for life |
| Bonus offer | more Shamwows! | free Zorbeez for life! plus some kinda fringed shammy on a stick that cleans under your doors or pleasures your wife after everything else you've tried has failed. |
| He thinks you use too many paper towels | $20 a month is "Throwin' yer money away." | 2 rolls a week! "That's cash in the trash!" |
| Final Verdict | Superior German technology and years of carny training help Vince hold his own against the Legend. | No one fucks with Billy Mays, punk. |
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