Japanese Ad Agency. Oxymoron? You be the judge.

By Skylers Dad from Some days it's not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Hello again from the dark cellar of the internettubes known as Sky-Dads mind! I have been collecting more wonderfulness to share with you all, aren't you thrilled?

Today's collection is from the fine ad agencies in Japan. At least I think they have ad agencies there, I will leave that up to you after you hopefully make it through all of this without passing out.

Let's start off with a Japanese commercial with our two business dudes stopping by the side of the road for a quick bio-break. One of them finds he has a special power? Put him on Heros? You be the judge:



Yeah, better get on that tea pronto...
And that was the most sane of this collection of oddities, read on brave viewer...



I don't know what creeps me out more, the use of the blond "dutch-boy" kid as the actor, or the marching peeps thingys selling noodles.

Still with me? Great, you are building up tolerance for what is to come.



I don't believe this is supposed to sell anything, just bring on seizures in the general public. After you get done with your visit from the paramedics, you can move on to another WTF commercial, part anime, part human, all cheese!



And what would a compilation of freaky Japanese commercials be without one that was so overtly sexual that you will need to have a smoke after watching it.

Steady yourselves now, here we go.



Succumb to white mixture!! I think I need to work that line into my daily conversations. You are now free to go back to your normal lives, and try to purge this whole post from your memory banks.

Good luck with that.

All My Children

by BeckEye from The Pop Eye

Sure, we're usually about dissing bad commercials here, but I had to post this Evian water ad. It is the greatest thing I've ever seen.

Tres Awfulness

By Skylers Dad from Some days it's not worth chewing through the leather straps.

A lot of times when I am seeing a real crappy commercial I think to myself, "Well maybe their budget wasn't really big, or they are a small struggling company that doesn't know anything about making a commercial".

Or other times I think the ad company just missed the mark, or perhaps they were trying to be too "edgy".

And then you see something that is just so spectacular in it's awfulness, that you just keep watching over and over again. I recently found a couple of examples of what I am trying to explain to you while perusing the dark corners of the Internettubes.

These really should come with a disclaimer or something...



"Shaka Doobie!!!" Whatever the fuck that means...

Next up is none other than the governator himself, Ahhhhnold in a Japanese commercial that I defy you to tell me what it's trying to sell, besides the obvious answer, a drink.



And Arnold told us it wasn't a tooomah...


Last up is this fantastic piece of crap for a legal firm that specializes in, well, horrific fiery car crashes I guess.

Ridiculous Insurance Commercial - watch more funny videos

Mr. Berger will pry what's left of your burnt corpse out of that auto and get you what you deserve!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled sanity.

Forgotten Classic Commerical

by BeckEye from The Pop Eye

As those of you who read my blog know, I post a "Forgotten Classic Video" every week. When I came across this old commercial on Facebook today, I considered posting it as my forgotten classic, even though it isn't technically a video. (Even if it is more "'80s video" than any '80s video I've ever seen.) Luckily, I have this blog as an outlet too, because I couldn't NOT post this thing of beauty. If you were alive in 1985, there is no reason why you shouldn't remember this. It is the most awesome car commercial ever for one of the least awesome cars ever - the Plymouth Duster.



Seriously, who writes jingles like that anymore? How do you even fit the words "my Plymouth Turismo Duster" into a song and make it sound good?? This is, like, 100 times better than that craptastic new American Idol single.

I used to love this commercial so much. I knew all the words and sang it all the time. And I wanted nothing more than to finally reach driving age so I could buy a Duster of my own and zoom off into some bitchin' world that looked like the "What About Love" set, where everyone knew how to do splits and flips and wore the coolest clothes.

Turns out, by the time I was able to get my own car, they had stopped making Dusters, but I did come close. My first ride was a Plymouth Reliant, known for its super-sexy boxiness. Unfortunately, it never inspired anyone to sing and dance around it. (Ah, the good ol' K-car. I destroyed that poor thing.)

I had completely forgotten that Finola Hughes was in this commercial. You know, Olivia Newton-John was always my idol, but Finola just shot up in my estimation. I mean, she got to do the Duster commercial and dance with a loincloth-clad John Travolta. I would never complain about my life if I had those two totally rad items on my résumé. So, I certainly don't feel bad that she's stuck on that stupid How Do I Look? show now (if that's even still on).

I'm sure that's not Finola singing though (I read an interview where she admits to having a horrible voice), and I've been Googling like mad trying to uncover the voice behind the curtain with no luck. If anyone knows, do tell. You'll be my hero.

Boycott AT&T Over Offensive Ad!

The following is an open letter to AT&T CEO Randall Stephenson:

Dear Mr. Stephenson,

The undersigned urge you cease airing the above television commercial known as "Falling for You."

It is deeply offensive since it causes viewers to get a little choked up when aired. This is uncalled for. With its sensitive acoustic music and clips of an adorable couple separated by distance, but kept in touch via your services - the commercial is almost too sensitive and sweet to bear.

And finally, when the guy texts a picture of his girlfriend as he walks up behind her? She runs to his welcoming arms as the commercial ends. We, the undersigned, do not need this type of sensitivity and emotion bringing us to tears every time we turn on the television.

Additionally, the commercial implies all men should do something sweet and sensitive for their significant others, placing undue pressure on the undersigned to live up to the commercial's adorable appeal. This is too great a burden for the undersigned.

We the undersigned will stage a full boycott of your services until this commercial is taken off the air.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

Misadventures in Photography

by BeckEye from The Pop Eye

Maybe I have an especially dirty mind, but I happened upon the T.J. Maxx website today (no, I do not shop at that hell hole) and was immediately disturbed by the picture on the main page. You tell me. Am I just sick, or is this an unfortunate photo choice?

Drop Stop It Like It's Hot

by BeckEye from The Pop Eye

Here is an infomercial for Drop Stop - a product that is absolutely of no use to me now that I rely solely on public transportation. (I'm still waiting not-so-patiently for someone to invent a heavy-duty, special subway car deodorizer. Smell Quell or Stench Bench, something like that.) But many of you do drive around in fancy horseless carriages, so this could be of use to you. Especially if you have a bad case of the buttahfingas.



The first thing I must say about this product is that it can't help the guy who drops his keys and cell phone. That guy has bigger problems. Maybe he has arthritis. Maybe his palms sweat profusely. Maybe he was born with two left hands. Or maybe he's just a simpleton. I'm leaning towards the last one. Seriously, who picks up their keys, holds them at eye level, then switches them to the hand opposite of where the ignition is before starting up the car?? And he picked up that cell phone like he just painted his nails and was afraid to touch anything.

Secondly, sure it's a nice idea and probably pretty convenient, but a Drop Stop is $20?? Seriously? No little piece of rubber is worth $20, unless it can keep you safe from STDs too. And since that's not mentioned as one of the product features, I'm guessing that it can't. I can think of at least 500 more useful things that I could buy with $20. Drivers, save your money. Just take one of the small ShamWows, roll it up and stick it in the crack next to your car seat. Problem solved.

Speaking of the ShamWow, the biggest problem I have with the Drop Stop commercial is with its spokesmen. Apparently, they're the inventors of the product. I understand that they want to give their ad a personal touch, but they're so not cut out for this line of work. It takes two of them to do the work of one Billy Mays or Vince Shlomi, and they don't even do it that well. Is it really necessary for them to prattle on and on for more than half of the entire length of the commercial about how great they are for inventing this thing (again, a piece of rubber with a hole in it), and having multiple test subjects (including a future version of Nikki Sixx) agree that it's very useful? No, it isn't. This commercial peaked with the mwah-mwah trombone sound effects, and it should have ended at 1:50, if not sooner.

Although shortening it certainly would have helped, the sad truth is that, nowadays, if an infomercial product isn't being hawked by Billy or Vince, most of us aren't gonna call today. We're gonna delay. I know that using Vince may seem like a risk, ever since his recent problems with the law, but how great would it be to see Vince rolling up next to a hooker, leaning over to the passenger-side window to pay her, then dropping his money into the crevice between his seat and the console. Unreachable! Now, he's gonna get slap-chopped by an angry pimp! That wouldn't have happened if he'd had the Drop Stop!

Hitting to all fields

By Skylers Dad from Some days it's not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Because some of you might have missed it when I posted it on my own blog, here is a repeat performance of "Home Invasion"...

Watch it through to the end. Holy crapadoodle, what a weird ad.

But I laughed of course!





And for anybody who is so damn tired of those Pizza Hut commercials that show the diners in Italy getting tricked into eating shitty Pizza Hut pasta on their fabulous vacation, here is a parody that you are going to love. It has it all, bad language, firearms, rubber penis's and yes, the ability to vomit on command.

Pasta Hut - The Fall of Tuscani's - watch more funny videos

What!? You're still here? OK, as a reward for sticking it out this long, here is Mr. T (Sans gold chains) helping to sell the Flavor Wave Oven. "My Tastes buds is goin wild!"

What Agency?

By Skylers Dad from Some days it's not worth chewing through the leather straps.

I know that the name of this blog is "Fire That Agency", but these two uber-awful spots could not possibly have an agency behind them. Even the worst Ad agency has to have just a molecule of dignity or an iota of creativity, doesn't it? Let's examine these two spots and I will let you form your own opinion.

Example #1 is an ad using a "Sports Star" to hawk his own BBQ Sauce. Oh how the Fridge has slipped through the years. From Super Bowl shuffle to pushing his own special sauce. If having William Perry sell something isn't enough, we see that no money was spared on the finest special effects and production values. I could hardly tell surfer boy wasn't actually hanging 10 at North Shore.




Example #2 is what I imagine all those old KGB guys from the Soviet Union are doing these days now that the cold war is over. They are over here continuing to torture the USA by subjecting us to really bad ads. Given the choice between the James Bond nad clubbing or repeated viewings of this next spot, I would honestly have to think it over!

Or, perhaps this guy isn't from the KGB, and was just a tad too close to Chernobyl?

Whatever, have a gander at Crazy Gideon:


Crazy Gideon's Insane Deals! - Watch more Funny Videos

What's you take? Agency, or a brother-in-law with a video camera offering his services?

Chew on This

by Katrocket

It's not easy for an advertising agency to launch a new brand of chewing gum. The market is oversaturated with gimmicky, mouth-assaulting flavours and textures, and I suspect that the majority of people who enjoy chewing gum have already settled on a long term favourite from their youth, some of which may include very unfunny comics from the 1940s (I'm lookin' at YOU, Bazooka Joe).

Here's two new gum brands with two different approaches to advertising - physical comedy vs. special effects - with one clear winner.

I don't have any official marketing data on this, but I'm guessing the primary demographic for chewing gum is likely around ages 12-24, a powerful consumer group that demands high production values and edgy visuals, so it's not surprising that BBDO went apeshit with some crazy CG and elaborate sets for their "Stimulate Your Senses" campaign for Wrigley's "5" Gum:

Campaign: "Stimulate Your Senses" for Wrigley's 5 Gum
Fire That Agency!: Energy BBDO Chicago / AMV BBDO London

Spot 1: Flare (Cinnamon)


This could be my age talking, but when I chew gum, I'm not all that interested in having a Lara Croft experience. I just want some fresh breath, man - no need for extreme sports. I also like to know what flavour I'm about to chew, so please stop naming your product after drag queens.

Spot 2: Elixer (Mouthwatering Berry)


Another Tomb Raideresque adventure in gum chewing. This time, Lara's trapped in a bizarre purple Kool-Aid flood tube and apparently loving it. This ad always reminds me of that Simpson's episode where Rainer Wolfcastle is assaulted by a tidal wave of nuclear waste: "My eyes! The goggles do nothing!".

Spot 3: Lush (Crisp Tropical)


Can we all agree that getting bombed by sticky bits of citrus is not the most desirable or refreshing feeling ever? This commercial gives me the sudden urge to shower. I'd like to see the footage taken 2 minutes later when the giant bee swarm shows up for sloppy seconds.

Spot 4: Rain (Spearmint)


Okay, this is just plain ridiculous. If I wanted to lie down with metal balls and the world's biggest speakers, I'd be sleeping with Lemmy from Motorhead.

Spot 5: Cobalt (Peppermint)


I think someone at BBDO may have watched Running Man the night before this pitch. This ad might be slightly more enjoyable if the Hockey Death Squad was allowed to play along.

Campaign: "Spit It Out" for Cadbury Adams USA LLC's Stride Gum
Hire That Agency!: JWT New York



JWT takes the perceived weakness of the Stride brand (long-lasting flavour = reduced consumption of product) and literally knocks it on its ass with a stealth groin shot from an angry ram. It's unexpected, it's hilarious, it's a cheaper ad to produce, and it effectively communicates the brand's message without insulting our intelligence. Well played.