Ford F-150: Taking a Man Step to Gay Town

by Pistols at Dawn of save your generation

As discussed yesterday (I could link to it, or you could scroll down, hero), Howie Long and Chevy are here to chew gum and kick ass, and they're all out of chewing gum.



In the second Howie Long Chevy ad that shows that these particular ad execs still have a fourth grade view of male sexuality and gender roles, the masculine Mr. Long is at the lumber yard, loading a palette jack's worth of Large, Heavy Bags Of Concrete into his Silverado.

Next to him, a Prancing Sissy in a Ford F-150 (the "F" stands for "Loves to Fellate Dudes") is using his truck's "Man Step" to get out of the bed of his truck, in which he has tied down a comically oversized wooden birdfeeder. Sure, no person I know would ever think of the lumberyard as a perfect place to buy a birdfeeder, but that's because everyone I know hates birds and hopes they all starve to death. Especially ospreys.

While attempting to get down out of his truck, F-150 Man (who initially misses the step, since all men who aren't Howie Long are incapable of even walking without incident) moves in a manner that indicates he either has a hernia or has just had a week's worth of nonstop vigorous gay sex with a team of incredibly endowed male elephants. A few steps into his "lady penguin on her period" walk, Howie roguishly informs him that he's left his "uh, man step" down. The man then fixes this problem while facially throwing a bitch fit worthy of Bette Davis' or Joan Crawford's finest work.

All in all, the Chevy Silverado ad strategy is clear: trucks that have features that the Silverado doesn't are for clumsy homosexuals. Hence, if you buy those trucks, you are a clumsy homosexual. Lastly, the Chevrolet company hates homosexuals, and finds their lifestyle and mannerisms something worth spending millions of dollars mocking in a national ad campaign.

I can't imagine why American car companies are in trouble.

The 12 Ads of Christmas #4 - Every Gold Digger Needs a Tagline

By BeckEye from The Pop Eye*


I love Christmas. I do. Generally, I can easily wade through the sea of commercialization and "gimme gimme gimme" attitudes and enjoy the holiday for what it really means. However, there are a few things that really irk me. For now, I'll focus on one: the deluge of Kay Jewelers commercials. You've all seen these ads, and you all know the cutesy little jingle that accompanies each one..."every kiss begins with Kay."



Maybe it's slightly irrational and, yes, there is so much more going on in the world to be pissed off about, but these commercials make me so angry. Excuse me while I get up on my soap, er, ring box for a moment.

Men: Every kiss does not begin with Kay. At least it shouldn't. If you only get kisses from your woman when you give her expensive gifts, you could be married to or dating an actual prostitute. It might be time to rethink your relationship.

Women: Jewelry does not equal love. If your husband/boyfriend is showering you with assloads of jewelry, he's probably either cheating on you or cheating with you. If that's not the case, your man may feel like wasting all his money on sparkly trinkets is the only way to get your attention. If you're putting that kind of price tag on your affections, you could be an actual prostitute. It might be time to rethink your priorities.

Of course, Kay isn't the only offender here in the "love for sale" commercial genre, but their stupid catchphrase bothers me the most. I suppose if they were being honest, the slogan would be, "Every Kiss Begins with Kold Hard Kash." I hear that DeBeers' tagline, "A Diamond is Forever" was actually shortened from "A Diamond is Forever, But Your Relationship is Not," and Jared's was originally "Sure, Sometimes He Beats Me, But...But He Went to Jared!"


*If this post feels at all familiar, then you have loved me for a looooong time, because it's a slightly modified 2006 rerun from my blog.