Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Fire That Second Cousin With a Video Camera!

by Katrocket of Rocketradio

Some of the greatest badvertising is created without any help from a budget-sucking, long-lunch-eating, golf-playing ad agency. The savvy local businessman knows his money is best spent on copious amounts of airtime, not overrated production values. Local merchants believe that their commercial doesn’t have to be good if it’s running on every regional network every 7 minutes. If you can’t wow your target market with a clever message and professional actors, why not simply bore your slogan into people’s heads with Pavlovian conditioning?

Depending on where you live, you have no doubt suffered through some of the most annoying and ridiculous commercials ever created in the history of advertising. But I’m not ashamed to admit that a part of me is rather amused by the combination of D-grade self-promotion and the quirky personality of the Hometown Vendor. In their own little way, they are stickin’ it to the big brand award-hungry agencies who have somehow convinced themselves that they are making fine art films instead of outrageous profits. In a cage match of Frequency versus Quality, I guarantee you will remember the name and slogan of your irritating local car dealer far better than you’re able to recall a specific car commercial and slogan from a global automaker. To me, all car commercials look exactly the same, but I’ll never forget a crazy dude in a used car lot wearing a Superman cape.

I’ve dug up some homemade gems from here and abroad - if you’d like to share your own hometown disasters, leave a comment with a link the the clip(if available).

Russell "Cashman" Oliver Jewellery - Toronto, Canada
Slogan: “I’m your Cash Man – give you money for your gold oh yeah!”
The Hook: Eurotrash clubmix penetrates your brain and won’t let go.
The Bait: Sexy backup dancers - Cashgirls by day, "feature dancer" by night
The Catch: This is probably the best produced Cashman ad in a large repertoire of cringe-worthy commercials

Sammy Stevens' Flea Market Montgomery - Montgomery, Alabama
Slogan: “It’s just like a mini mall!”
The Hook: Livin’ rooms, bedrooms, dinettes, we talkin’ bout a badass beat
The Bait: Colourful fashions, slick moves, and an attractive outdoor shot of the cube van fleet
The Catch: You need it! (He got it.) Hey hey.

Mel Farr Superstar Ford – Detroit, Michigan
Slogan: “Mel Farr Superstar for a Farr better deal”
The Hook: Someone’s crazy granny yelling “superstars!” at beginning of ad
The Bait: Tandem fly-by with co-star Billy Sims (Detroit Lions’ star RB from 1980-84) over Greenfield and 10 Mile Road
The Catch: Awesome editing turns a simple sideways hop into a stellar two-point landing.

Eagle Auto Insurance - Chicago, Illinois
Slogan: "I've got something for yoooooou!"
The Hook: Chicks with bad 80s hair are terrible drivers who can't be bothered with details like insurance... and not hitting stuff.
The Bait: Surprise! Sideshow eagle just laid a big one on your car.
The Catch: Messed up eagle-baby puppet delivers flyer, but instead of predictable flaily-armed screaming/running away, the ladies are hypnotized. Ooooh. Look at those low rates.

Prusakolep (roach traps, I thiink) - Warsaw, Poland
Slogan: "Pluskwy puszka metalowa ssać ono"(translation: "Bugs can suck it.")
The Hook: karaluch (cockroach) ruins dinner party/ people's lives/ any interest I might have had in visiting Poland
The Bait: Prusakolep!
The Catch: Someone was on drugs.


Need A Lawyer? Can't afford a one? - submitted by Mme. G

Hilarious digital production company - submitted by Falwless

Something's fishy here - submitted by Skyler's Dad


pistols at dawn said...

Holy Christ, this is brilliant. I'd like to pretend I have a favorite, but that'd be like choosing between my illegitimate children I don't know about.

I really don't get how being like a minimall is something that people should aspire to.

I also can't imagine why, if Billy Sims is capable of unassisted flight, the Lions offense wasn't a little better from 1980-84.

When the agency told me, "Here's the deal: a giant eagle is going to crap on a car to sell your product," I would definitely leave that meeting immediately. I'm just trying to decide how many time I'd punch them before doing so.

I've been to Warsaw, and I've got to say, that last ad is grippingly real. To be fair, though, I never went on a boat or to a dinner party while there.

Some Guy said...

I grew up with the Eagle Auto Insurance one. It was legendary in Chicago.

Mme.G said...


So annoyingly busy - I think I have a seizure every time this ad comes on. Probably what they were going for, anyway, so you can sue the TV manufacturer for inducing epilepsy!

SkylersDad said...

If I may present for the jury...

Falwless said...

I cannot stop laughing. WHAT IN THE SAM FUCK IS THAT SECOND TO LAST ADVERTISEMENT WITH THE BIRD? Seriously, what. the. fuck. was. that. I've watched it twice now and it just gets funnier. It doesn't even make any goddamn sense. That is truly, truly awesome.

Falwless said...

You realize now the gauntlet has been thrown down. I am on a quest to find the most ridiculous local ads.

Here's one that promotes this guy's video production services, except the commercial is so bad it looks like it was made by an 8 year old blind kid. Seriously, who would hire this guy?

Bangs and a Bun said...

I was wondering when you were gonna write about good ol' Russell Oliver. Every time I see that, my jaw is on the floor. It's almost incomprehensible how bad it is.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Oh man, a blast from the past with the Eagle Auto Insurance. Like Some Guy said, this was a staple of my youth. Wow, I had forgotten about that until now. I might just spend the rest of the day in my office reliving my youth.

Thanks, fire that agency!

BeckEye said...

Good Lord. I wonder if those chicks from the Eagle commercial tried out for the roles of Dancing Skanks #3 and #4 in the Cashman ad.

surviving myself said...

This is as fine a collection of commercials as I have ever seen.

You deserve a medal for this post. Or at least a 3 Musketeers. King size!

The Guv'ner said...

I laughed and laughed (then wheezed a little as I have a malady in my lung things). Local ads are always hilarious. Small budget, bad effects, terrible graphics, guys who think they can act and can't. There was a great one in NYC for some firm run by two brothers. They both looked like mafia guys and were wooden as trees. I loved those ads. It was like an SNL skit (if SNL were funny).

Anonymous said...

There's a great one in Buffalo for Airport Plaze Jewelers. It's in an old PhotoMat, and the proprieter in the commercial says, "At airport plaza jewelers, really great jewelry won't cost an arm and a leg." When he says "arm," he holds up a mannequin's arm (unattached to the body, of course) and when he says "leg," he holds up a mannequin's leg (similarly unattached).

Because apparently that's funny.

And his assistant has a bad bleach job and a face for radio.

Dr Zibbs said...

This is great!