by BeckEye from The Pop Eye
I believe someone mentioned the horrible "ShamWow" commercial in the comments here. I actually had been happily skipping through life never having seen it - until this weekend, when it must have assaulted my eyes and ears at least ten times. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, get ready to be wowed. Or shammed.
I was certainly not "wowed" by this ad. First off, who the HELL is this "Vince" guy? Good Lord, he's one creepy bastard. Those pointy, Neanderthal brows and the overgrown fauxhawk? He looks like a damn Klingon! Who would buy anything from him? And why is he wearing that stupid headset? I'm assuming he's going for the "slick, cool dude" vibe here, so shouldn't he be wearing a Bluetooth or something? That thing looks like something Stacy, your Time-Life operator, would have worn in the early '80s.
And what company WANTS some coke-addicted, fast-talking douchebag as its spokesperson? Does anyone really think this guy is an effective salesman? Didn't we learn long ago not to trust guys like "Vince?" I don't know why I put his name in quotes, because he definitely looks like a Vince. I seriously doubt he's an actor. If he isn't a real estate broker or a used car salesman in real life, I'll eat my hat and buy 20 ShamWows.
If, for some reason, Crazy Brows McGee doesn't turn you off to this commercial, there is still plenty wrong with it.
1. As I mentioned in the title, the name of the product has the word "sham" in it. Sure, so does "shammy," but that's just because people can't spell. It's supposed to be "chamois."
2. Yeah, you can wash it in the washing machine. Still, is it cool to dry your dishes with the same disgusting rag that you use to wash your car and clean up your dog's urine?
3. One of the big selling points of the ShamWow is that it's made in Germany. What does that mean? The Germans made David Hasselhoff a star. What do they know? Furthermore, I don't think blind acceptance of any ideas pushed by the Germans is a very good idea. Read your history books.
4. Vince tells us you can cut the ShamWow in half and use one as a bath mat, drain your dishes with the other one, and use one as a towel. Now, I'm no math whiz, but that doesn't sound quite right.
5. Who spends $20 a month on paper towels? I'm a klutz who spills stuff all the time, and I can make it through at least a month with a $5.00 3-pack.
6. How long do those mini-ShamWows really last?? At 1:25, there is a very obvious over-dub stating that they last 10 years.
7. You get 8 ShamWows for $19.99. It thought this was a multi-purpose, washable miracle product that lasted forever? So, why do you need 8 of them?
If you can see past all that's horrible about this commercial and focus solely on the product, maybe you'll decide that you really need a ShamWow in your life. If you do, make sure you buy directly from Vince. BEWARE OF SHAMWOW IMITATORS! I mistakenly bought something called a ShamWhoa. It cleared out my bank account and skipped town, leaving a trail of cola behind it.