by The Guv from Psycho Secretary
There's an ad doing the rounds, currently, that has me simultaneously scratching my head and by pure suggestion my crotch (much in the same way that you hear someone mention spiders then start feeling them crawling on your skin). The ad's for "RePhresh" a new product that disguises "feminine odor". You might have seen it - four smug, skinny ladies sitting around in mood lighting declaring the advantages of spritzing one's muff with some Ph balanced deodorant? I would like to kill whoever, a) dreamed up the obnoxiously comical ad, and b) the douche (pardon the relevance) who decided such a product was necessary.
Apparently we ladies should be using this product after "intimacy", after "douching" and after our period, because otherwise we'll carry the stench of a million decaying haddock.
I don't know exactly what sort of woman this thing is aimed at. I mean, I've been around for quite a few years now and I can't say I've ever smelled a lady's pie as she walked by in the street, or sat opposite me in a bar. I've never once had to open a window because some female had a cooter that smelled like the county dump in July.
I mean it was obviously a man who came up with this product, right? I've never met a woman who gave a rat's ass about "feminine odor" because generally I find women like to bathe, unless their best friend is a freeze block and they live under a bridge someplace. I find that women who like to bathe, in general, don't have smelly hoodillies.
This product is just plain dumb. Everyone knows that a lady's special place is self-cleaning and that depositing strange cleaning products – be they special vagina-spritzing perfumes, deodorants or Lysol – is a bad idea. But way to play on a lady's insecurities by suggesting she might have a strange foreign smell in her pants that is shameful. Thanks a lot for trying to produce a nation full of anxious, self-hating women all spraying chemicals on their cookie just in case they have the dreaded "Stench of Woman".
The only thing dumber than the product is the ad. Cocky-looking, "we know something you don't" ladies in trendy soccer mom garb, dancing around proudly proclaiming their snatches smell like roses, while extreme close ups reveal their self-righteous smirks.
Screw you, ad guys. This ad makes me homicidal.