Thursday, November 6, 2008

Mac Attack

by The Guvner from Psycho Secretary

You know what ads make me consider hostage taking? The ads featuring the Mac guy and the PC guy. I know they're old hat now but still, they piss me off to a nuclear extent with their holier than thou attitude and the condescending manner of a political campaign.

You know the ones, right? The ones where a young, slightly dorky "I am a computer genius in a way you'll never comprehend" type of guy stands there, smug in his knowledge that he's cool because hey, he uses a Mac, while the chubby, bespectacled, super-straight guy in a bad suit runs around like a constipated chicken with its head cut off trying to cover up the many deficiencies of using a PC, often while doing "hilariously" embarrassing things or wearing a stupid costume. Throughout all this mayhem the Mac guy condescendingly watches him, bemused, while smirking and looking sideways at the camera in a Jimmy Fallonesque manner that makes you want to punch his lights out with a sledgehammer.Sometimes he is accompanied by a supermodel or a hot techy chick because she's hot you know and hot chicks dig the Mac guys while guys who use PCs have to make do with a dude in a dress:

Well I hate those effing commercials. I resent their message. Everyone knows that Mac users are elitist knob-heads who like to lord over us mortal PC users with their superiority complexes. Mac users are next to Godliness, people. That's why they only make up a mere morsel of computer users. Nothing that lofty and supreme can be the majority. If the majority of computer users switched to Macs, Mac freaks would explode with indignant impatience and start proclaiming their love of Linux-only operating systems. There is nothing you can do on a Mac these days you can't do on a PC, except maybe gloat a lot about your Godlike superiority while hurling cyber darts at Bill Gates' head.

Funny thing is, I had nothing against Macs until these stupid ads appeared, so job well done, guys. You made me always want to buy a PC.

If Apple really wanted to raise their fanbase and appeal to a wider audience, maybe cutting out the smug, condescending attitude might be a start. And maybe they could you know... sort out iTunes so it didn't fuck up everything you try to do, ever if, heaven forbid, you change computers/programs/mp3 players. And maybe keep their iPods in a realm of reality where you don't need a magnifying glass to find them. They really don't need to be the size of a postage stamp, guys, truly, we eat our veggies, we can lift those bulldozer sized 1st Generation models just fine.


BeckEye said...

The only thing worse than Mac commercials are Macs. Unless we're talking Big Macs or Scottish dudes.

So@24 said...

When are you guys going to rip apart that shitty "Saved by Zero" commercial?

The Guv'ner said...

Saved by Zero? What is that? Is that one of your quaint Californay-ai commercials, Mr. So?

Red said...

Word. I especially hate the latest batch of commercials where they treat Vista like it's the next world plague or something.

pistols at dawn said...

I don't understand why Mac users feel like they have to buy into an identity. It's an effing computer. If it's your identity, clearly you were too boring to fill your soul with "personality" and "things others might find interesting."

Also, I like John Hodgman better than Justin Long, so their ads just make me think, "Didn't Hodgman come out with a new book? I should buy that." Hopefully, that was their intent.

deadspot said...

Yeah... I'd care more if PCs weren't crash-prone steaming piles of shit.

Also, the "I'm a PC" commercials gave your mom herpes.

The Guv'ner said...

Actually my mom got the herpes from your dad.

Honestly, I have Vista and I don't have crashing problems at all. No PC I've ever had has had them since about 1998.

Chris said...

I'm bi. I have both a Mac and a PC at home. And I actually have Windows running on my Mac at times, too, depending on what I'm working on.

I like Macs. Are they worth the extra money? Sure, if you're a power-user. If you wanna check your e-mail and surf the net you don't really need a Mac... And Kat's right, you can do almost everything on a PC that you can on a Mac. My big thing is that I've gone through five (5) PC's in the last 10 years, but the average Mac lasts me about seven years before it gets too old to work with...

Anywhoo. I don't like the commercials much, myself. I'd rather SEE what a Mac can do than just hear about it.