Friday, November 14, 2008
Our Jeans Unlock the Power of Dirty, Anonymous Sex
By BeckEye from The Pop Eye
There's nothing I hate more than being reminded that I'm getting old and boring. Therefore, I hate this new Levi's Unbuttoned commercial. It makes me want to clutch at my nonexistent shawl while clucking, "My stars!" in disapproval.
Look, people. I'm no prude. I have nothing against the "exciting sex with a handsome/beautiful stranger" storyline, but this ad is not sexy. Unless you're a crack whore. Or unless your sexual fantasies always end with you being murdered, arrested, or contracting some horrible disease. Because, if this were real life, one or all three things would happen to one or both of these people immediately after their jeans hit the floor.
It starts out okay, when they're just bullshitting each other to get into each other's pants. But then when the dude is like, "I've been living in my car?" That's when most women would hit the brakes. But not this chick! Because she likes to break, enter, and bang in other peoples' apartments!
Every time I see this commercial, I always imagine an extended version. Boy and girl have nasty sex and then share a needle. The man of the house returns home and threatens to call the police when he finds these greasy street urchins in his apartment. Girl offers him sexual favors in return for his silence and, when he drops his guard, Boy stabs him in the throat. They go on the run, they go to jail, they die of AIDS.
But the jeans last through it all.