Monday, April 20, 2009

Drop Stop It Like It's Hot

by BeckEye from The Pop Eye

Here is an infomercial for Drop Stop - a product that is absolutely of no use to me now that I rely solely on public transportation. (I'm still waiting not-so-patiently for someone to invent a heavy-duty, special subway car deodorizer. Smell Quell or Stench Bench, something like that.) But many of you do drive around in fancy horseless carriages, so this could be of use to you. Especially if you have a bad case of the buttahfingas.

The first thing I must say about this product is that it can't help the guy who drops his keys and cell phone. That guy has bigger problems. Maybe he has arthritis. Maybe his palms sweat profusely. Maybe he was born with two left hands. Or maybe he's just a simpleton. I'm leaning towards the last one. Seriously, who picks up their keys, holds them at eye level, then switches them to the hand opposite of where the ignition is before starting up the car?? And he picked up that cell phone like he just painted his nails and was afraid to touch anything.

Secondly, sure it's a nice idea and probably pretty convenient, but a Drop Stop is $20?? Seriously? No little piece of rubber is worth $20, unless it can keep you safe from STDs too. And since that's not mentioned as one of the product features, I'm guessing that it can't. I can think of at least 500 more useful things that I could buy with $20. Drivers, save your money. Just take one of the small ShamWows, roll it up and stick it in the crack next to your car seat. Problem solved.

Speaking of the ShamWow, the biggest problem I have with the Drop Stop commercial is with its spokesmen. Apparently, they're the inventors of the product. I understand that they want to give their ad a personal touch, but they're so not cut out for this line of work. It takes two of them to do the work of one Billy Mays or Vince Shlomi, and they don't even do it that well. Is it really necessary for them to prattle on and on for more than half of the entire length of the commercial about how great they are for inventing this thing (again, a piece of rubber with a hole in it), and having multiple test subjects (including a future version of Nikki Sixx) agree that it's very useful? No, it isn't. This commercial peaked with the mwah-mwah trombone sound effects, and it should have ended at 1:50, if not sooner.

Although shortening it certainly would have helped, the sad truth is that, nowadays, if an infomercial product isn't being hawked by Billy or Vince, most of us aren't gonna call today. We're gonna delay. I know that using Vince may seem like a risk, ever since his recent problems with the law, but how great would it be to see Vince rolling up next to a hooker, leaning over to the passenger-side window to pay her, then dropping his money into the crevice between his seat and the console. Unreachable! Now, he's gonna get slap-chopped by an angry pimp! That wouldn't have happened if he'd had the Drop Stop!


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SkylersDad said...

19.95 for a hunk of rubber? That shit better be made of something that I can eat when I am stuck in line behind stupid people that can't drive in snow!

Great stuff Becky

Poobomber said...

I just stick a dead baby down there.

If something falls, not only am I able to retrieve it quickly, I also get a cute little chuckle out of it, "Hey, there's a dead baby between my seats!"

Soda and Candy said...

Hahaha awesome.

But Beck,a rolled up Shamwow won't have the disturbingly vagina-y hole that goes around the seatbelt bit.

katrocket said...

I'm not completely sold on the Drop Stop (I also take transit), but your "Smell Quell" idea is GOLD!

LiLu said...

You should probably trademark "Smell Quell" before I steal it.

Oops, too late.

Doug Oteri said...

Unlike the writer of this post, I actually bought a set of Drop Stops (that's right, it comes as a set... meaning that you get 2 Drop Stops for that price). The Drop Stop is made of a cloth material (neoprene?), not rubber as the writer of this blog suggests. The product actually does what it is touted to do: namely, stop stuff from falling down the crack. And at $20, the set also comes with one of those non-slip pads for the dashboard and a pretty handy-dandy flashlight. IOW, it's a good value. Throw in the 10% off code on the home page right now, and it's actually a great deal. Word to the wise: Next time you write a product review, you should actually try out the product you are reviewing!

BeckEye said...

Doug, it's unfortunate that they don't make a Drop Stop for the brain, to keep information from falling into its cracks. This blog is not about reviewing PRODUCTS, it's about the ADS. Word to the wise: Next time you post a comment, you should actually understand the blog you are reading.

Also, thank you for pointing out that the Drop Stop is made of neoprene instead of rubber, because that makes a big difference. After all, neoprene is only a synthetic rubber material, not honest-to-God rubber. This has convinced me to go out and buy 8 of them for all 4 of my nonexistent cars.

By the way, I hope the Drop Stop guys paid you to write that comment.

Chris said...

Actually, the drop stop doesn't seem to be a bad idea.

But how cheesy can you get with graphics? I've been dabbling in this sort of thing latey. I had a customer tell me they wanted their theater spot to look "like an infomercial." I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. I mean, the software comes with a book that's some 250 pages long. I got past page five, where they tell you not to put goofy red stop signs on the screen ever 1.7 seconds.