Friday, October 24, 2008

Ad-Sense, Non-Sense

by Ask Alice from Alice in Average Land

I don't get the Verizon commercials. "Can you hear me now"? Basically they're saying that the reception is so crappy that this poor guy has to stand on top of fences in the Artic to get a signal. They really should have him saying: "Can you still hear me?" Then at least we know that he could hear them in the first place. Although if I had someone asking me every five minutes if I could still hear them I'd just say no and hang up.

Speaking of advertisements, there are a few slogans that really make no sense to me. If we took them literally we'd all be a bunch of lunatics. AT&T's - "Reach out and touch somebody"? Sorry but that's creepy. Especially when you consider the Yellow Pages ads that say "Let your fingers do the talking". Put the two of those together and we have a serial rapist on our hands.

Then there's: Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there - well it's rather unfortunate that my neighbor is a fat creepy dude who wears sweatpant shorts and no shirt while smoking (who knows what) in his garage year round. If my house burnt down in the middle of the night I'm not so sure I'd want him there while I run screaming out of my house in my little booty shorts and tank top.

Just saying.

How do they come up with this stuff anyway? There must be men in suits sitting around a table discussing their options:

Exec #1: "How can we possibly improve on what we have? I love: "It's what I eat and what I do" it really speaks to the people.
Exec #2: "Yes but how can you DO a burger? Wait, wait, I think I got it - by eating it. Yes I do see the logic there Stanley"
CEO: "Okay, how about: McDonalds, it's what I eat and what I do ALWAYS"
Exec #1: "Isn't that sort of like Coca-Cola's slogan?"
CEO: "Dammit"
Exec #2: "We have to appeal to the kids here fellas. We need some slang in there"
Exec #1: "McDonalds: it's what I eat and what I do - in the hizzle!"
CEO: "I'm loving that"
Exec #2: "I'm loving it!"*a look of inspiration crosses over their faces and thus a slogan is born*

Sometimes I think maybe they don't really put that much thought into these slogans either.

Toshiba's "Choose Freedom" slogan - what exactly does that mean? If we choose a Sony are we relegated to the first twelve channels forever? Where does this freedom come into play with a Toshiba that it doesn't with a Samsung? Oh and there's another gooder: "Digitally Yours". Now they're playing with our emotions and getting all Hallmark on our asses. You can certainly tell what market they're aiming for.

Good thing I don't believe everything I hear...

I'm richer then I think, am I, Scotiabank? Well I think I'll just go on a little shopping spree here and take care of that problem. Oh nevermind, I lost my American Express and I just don't feel right leaving home without it.


BeckEye said...

I didn't know that was Scotiabank's slogan. I didn't even know who Scotiabank was. But now that I do, I'm opening an account so I can be RICH! Rich, I say!

well-intentioned heartbreaker said...

hahahah. alice, i ADORE you.

and i'm so with you on scotiabank. i'm pretty sure i'm just as rich as i think i am. and i'm also fairly certain i will be equally as rich no matter which atm i throw my money in.

The Guv'ner said...

I think ALL the car commercials bug my shit right up. I mean why not just show 30 seconds of a giant penis 'cuz that's what they're saying. All those shots at angles that make it look bigger and meaner and all the boasting about how satisfying it is and how fast it goes. Please. Plus who thinks up car names? Shoot that person. :)

pistols at dawn said...

The Verizon guy does seem awfully needy, doesn't he? He's always asking if you're still listening to him, and that constant need for validation is annoying - in women or in ads.