Just when you thought that Vince (of ShamWow fame) was just to be a supernova, gradually disappearing until forgotten from the infomercial universe ruled by Billy Mays, he's returned to fight for his star status.
While nearly everything is hilariously wrong with the ShamWow infomercial, the new spot for the Slap Chop is just plain hilarious. It seems that Vince has realized what a tool he is, and is now parodying himself all for the glory of the Slap Chop.
Why this infomercial will sell 40 million Slap Chops:
1. Sex sells, and there are plenty of sexual innuendos to go around here. Such as...
2. Vince will berate you like the fat, non-vegetable eating pig that you are if you don't buy this product!
:02 - You're gonna be in a great mood all day because you're gonna be slapping your troubles away.
:32 - This thing...this tuna? Looks boring. Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life.
:55 - You're gonna love my nuts.
1:04 - If I can do it with one finger, you guys can do it with your whole hand.
:15 - Ya love salad, ya hate making it. You KNOW you hate making salads! That's why you don't have any salad in your diet! Hey, ears open, mouth shut!!Do NOT back-sass me! I will slap chop you to Kingdom Come! I'm Vince, dammit!3. It pops open like a butterfly. Have you ever seen anything so beautiful??
:22 - I love pizza too, but once in a while, get the veggies in. You Pizza the Hutt-looking bastard. Look at you, you've got pizza sauce all over your shirt, you worthless slob. Jesus, take a walk or something! Go to the gym once in a while! I know Tony Little, lemme hook you up with a Gazelle.
2:05 - Guys, we're gonna make America skinny again...one slap at a time! I can slap all day, Tubby. And I have absolutely nowhere else to be. Just try me.
4. All those other chopping machines on the market? Bacteria traps! Worthless! Fuhgettaboutit!!
5. At 1:35, while illustrating the above point, Vince tosses a competitor's product into the sink behind him. I have it on good authority that he made it on the first take. Do you think Billy Mays could've done that? Heck no! Vince is a pro, people!
6. Every time you cut an onion the old-fashioned way, you make Vince cry. You think about that now, you selfish, heartless, knife-wielding lunatics.
7. Did you see that onion skin come off at the 2-minute mark?? That was amazing! What do you mean you didn't see it? There was an arrow pointing right to it, you idiot! How much easier can the Slap Chop people make this for you? Oh, why don't you go eat another slice of your double cheese pizza, pig!
8. Vince has got more rhymes than Nipsy Russell. (2:30)
9. He's giving you a free Graty. Just take it and shut up.
10. YOU KNOW HE CAN'T DO THIS ALL DAY, RIGHT?? Time is of the essence, people. You following me? I think you are.
My only concern about this product is that it's not made in Germany and, therefore, will most likely fall apart after 2-3 uses.